1 Shame and the Internet “Unlovability has been seen as the core of shame, the basic flaw. ” Wurmser

Shame is a complex emotion. Its effects can range from mild embarrassment to profound humiliation and a paralysis of thinking. Because of an expansion in the literature about shame, we have learned considerably more about this affect in the past 25 years. In this paper I will deal with a tiny corner of this big subject, how I came to understand the role of shame in the lives of my small sample of patients, two women and two men, all of whom turned to the Internet when anxious and depressed. The Internet is so much a part of all of our lives now and of most of our patients’ lives. Not very many years ago, we were just learning to what extent people could and would go to pornographic sites on the Internet or to chat rooms to meet others of every sexual persuasion. With its access to a world of imagery and interactive possibilities, the Internet can be a resource for a wealth of knowledge or a playground for perversions. One can have a virtual experience of hang-gliding or a virtual sexual encounter, without risk of being shamed by an onlooker. Shame feelings may be mild or intense, conscious or unconscious. Michael Lewis in his 1992 book, Shame: The Exposed Self, discusses four common copin